And McCain Blows It

Terry Tate Saves The GOP

I bet this is what John McCain and the Republican Party wants to do to Sarah Palin every time she opens her mouth.

Emotional Blackmail

You ever notice the role reversal that happens in a relationship? Before the relationship starts - during the wooing period, as I like to call it- the men are emotionally unstable nut jobs who wear their hearts on their sleeves. They compliment the woman constantly, notice things all the time, and listen. Then, as soon as the relationship is real, as soon as the girl likes the crust of the mother fucker, so to speak, BAM! Role reversal.

No longer is the man listening to his girlfriend, no longer is he complimenting her on the way she looks. No, the man is now not the emotional nut job; he's the voice of reason and rationality- well, at least when it comes to the relationship. But the woman? Sheeeeeeeeit! (I miss The Wire) She's Randall Patrick McMurphy!

All of a sudden, the crust of the mother fucker isn't good enough. Hell, the whole bread slice is moldy. We can't do anything right, and, even when we do, there's something wrong, something that warrants critique.

What is it, ladies? Are we not who you thought we were?

Aren't you going to crown our asses?

Hug It Out Bitch

Finally! An episode of Entourage worth talking about!

Tonight's episode was the best episode I've seen in a while. No longer am I gonna watch the antics of Vince and the boys to live vicariously through their conquests and lavish lifestyles (although I will still be doing that- it won't just be the only reason I watch that show), there are actual things going on. I think it's called a plot, but don't quote me on that.

So? Has anybody seen it? What do you guys think? Does Ari take the offer? More importantly, who was that model who was Natasha's roommate? (Never mind. Thanks imdb.)

I think he takes the offer. There's no way he turns it down, especially after the way Vince pulled down the window hatch on the airplane. (That split second where the screen went black? That was the key to the episode. I know I'm reading too much into this, but its a plot point on Entourage, for crying out loud! That doesn't happen too often.)

But ultimately, I think Ari will come back to being Vince's agent. He will tire of running the studio and miss Vince and the boys, and come back to being the asshole agent that we know and love.

Oh yeah, him and E are almost certainly gonna hug it out again.

Blog Action Day!

“Shit, life is catching up to jail. Shit, if you live in an old project, a new jail ain’t that bad.”
Chris Rock, Bring The Pain

Wow. You know we live in a fucked up world when you don’t laugh at that quote. I mean, yeah, sure, at first, I laughed at the line. (It was part of the whole bit about the Tossed Salad Man, so that had a lot to do with it.) Then, as I thought about it, I realized Chris Rock was right. Is that the world we’re coming to? People would prefer to go to jail instead of living their lives, free of shackles, cells, and the occasional anal rape?

OK. So the economy isn’t doing so great. People are losing money left and right. But did you ever stop to think that the people who put their money in stock markets aren’t exactly poor when it’s all said and done? The guy that put a million dollars in the stock market probably has millions more to spare, right? (If he doesn’t, and he put all his money in the market, then he’s an idiot and deserves what came to him. Well, not really.)

Think about the poor, disease stricken human being- the guy with no money whatsoever for food, let alone proper health care. Is the plight of Harry Paulson and the people on Wall Street really that serious now? Paulson at least has health insurance and a roof over his head. Plus, he has the federal government to bail him out every time he fucks up. (Really, Congress? You gave 700 billion dollars to the guy who let the economy get into this mess in the first place, but didn’t challenge President Bush’s ruling when he vetoed the child insurance bill because it was unfair to smokers? Seriously? What. The. Fuck?)

I think the number one problem affecting our world today is not Al Qaeda, not global warming. It’s poverty. Rich people don’t kill each other. Poor people do. Why? They need food, and, in today’s world, you need money for food. Shit, you need money for everything. If Congress were smart, instead of giving 700 billion dollars to Paulson, they’d take that money and give it to the poor. Fuck tax cuts. You think a guy who has no income cares about tax cuts? That guy doesn’t even pay taxes since he’s either broke or doing some illegal business that he wouldn’t tell you about. (Drug dealers don’t pay taxes on the drugs they deal do they?)

Ending poverty would go a long way in ending many other problems. Crime would go down, the literacy rate would go up- even the economy would be better because people with money like to spend it. If no steps are taken to end this global crisis, then Chris Rock wouldn’t just be a comic telling a joke.

He’d be a prophet.

A Sense Of Entitlement

This issue has been festering inside me for a while now, so I might as well write about it. (That's why you write a blog, Bodie, you dumbass. Let's see if I can do this post The Word style, a la Stephen Colbert.)

I am sick and tired of people thinking that the world owes them something, that somehow what their parents told them about them being special and God's gift to this world actually has some clout in the real world. (Worked well for George W. Bush) It seems every guy with a college degree from some prestigious learning institution - or even not that prestigious- thinks that the world owes them something, that somehow it is the Man that is preventing them from making a change in the world. (See: minorities and spoiled rich kids) The fact of the matter is, we are not all that special. There are geniuses, yes, and there are some pretty dumb kids out there, sure, but we are probably, for the most part, average. (I liked it better when Chris Rock said it.)

Shut up, The Word. He was right. (As a matter of fact, no more input for you. You're too smart for your own good. Yes, I'm crazy.)

The next person that complains about being undervalued at their job is going to make me lose my mind. (But you're already crazy! Too much? OK I'll stop.)

The world doesn't owe anybody anything. If you think you are undervalued at your job, then either quit or do something about it. Complaining is not going to solve your problems, my friend. So, next time you're feeling like the Man is putting you down, show the Man your talents. Show him that you can lead his company - private or public or anything for that matter- better than he can.

Just don't complain to me if he fires you.

Another Case For John McCain

Some frequent visitors of this blog may have pegged me as a McCain supporter. Well, I admit that right now, I like McCain better than Obama, but, of course, Obama has been showing me something lately, while McCain is just content to let Sarah Palin parade around and make an ass out of herself - and his campaign. However, this is another reason I want McCain to win: A McCain win would stop these rappers from rapping about Obama.

Look, I have no problem with people letting others who they want to vote for. However, its a problem when these same rappers that are "representing" aren't even going to vote November 4th. More to the point, would it trouble you dudes to be creative with your Obama songs? Tupac rapping "And though it seems heaven sent, we ain't ready to have a black president" and will.i.am singing "yes, we can" was cool the first two times. Not the FOURTEENTH. (Oh, and the dude isn't even president yet. Can you imagine what would happen if he became president? Every rapper would rap about the economy (which, as it turns out, is Clinton's fault after all), albums would be released to commemorate the State Of The Union address, and July 4th would be the official release date for every rap album.)

So, on November 4th, if you value your ears as much as I do, vote McCain.

If nothing else, your ears will thank you.

Gender Rules, Shmender Rules

An article in today's New York Times dealt with the gender roles in today's climate. Of course, this wasn't front page material because it dealt with the issue in upscale restaurants. (Frank Bruni, the author of the piece, can rest assured, though. He made the front page of the Dining Out section.)

It seems that an East Village eatery, Apiary, decided to eliminate gender bias from their dining software. In plain English, that means that whoever's plate is ready, whether male or female, gets served first. Needless to say, it was a bad move.

Seriously, what the fuck? Everybody knows ladies get served first. It's common courtesy. Not only that, but by serving the woman first, you're doing the man a solid, too. Let me explain.

More often than not, if a man and woman walk into an upscale restaurant, they are either out on a date or the man is in the process of wooing the girl. (Yeah, I know some patrons are married and some are family, but still. The majority fits into the category of the date.) That means that the dude, as soon as he walked into the restaurant, was thinking one thing: how long before we fuck? (We're assholes, I know, but girls are bitches too. It evens out in the end. And I wonder why I'm still single.)

I don't know about any of your eating habits, but I'm a pretty fast eater. More than likely, the guys I know on average can out eat the girls (and I know some serious eaters of the female persuasion). So, in a sense, if a girl gets her plate first, she has more time to eat. That means that by the time the guy gets his plate, they should be finished at the same time instead of the guy having to wait for the girl to finish her salad. (By the way, girls, eat. Enough with the salads. We have no reservations about eating an animal in front of you, extend us the same courtesy. Please, I implore you.) Thus, the wait to get in the girl's pants (depending on how smooth the guy is or how slutty the girl is) is cut short.

So, waiters, do us a favor. Get her dish out first.

We'll thank you in the end.